You Can't Leave Me, I Need You
by Campion41
Summary: Suga tries to leave the volleyball team and Daichi doesn't handle it well at all. TW for anxiety/anxiety attacks/panic attacks.
"You what?" Daichi choked out, hardly able to form the words. He was sitting only inches away from his best friend, but his ears still refused to acknowledge the words that entered them. The bench beneath him felt like it was tilting, like he'd fall of it and the face of the Earth if Suga was saying what Daichi thought he was.

"I'm quitting the volleyball team. I just feel like I'm holding everyone back. With Kageyama around, I just get in the way, and it's made me realize that I need to find myself a place where I am needed."

Suga tried to get a read on Daichi's face, but he didn't seem angry. Just surprised, which was to be expected. Then his expression changed to something more defiant.

"That's not true-"

Suga smiled. He had seen this coming.

"It's alright, Daichi, you don't have to defend me. It's okay for me to have noticed this kind of thing. I need to come to terms with it in my own way, and I will, so you don't need to worry about me, alright?"

Still smiling, Suga stood up from the bench and squeezed Daichi's shoulder before heading off in the direction of the school, despite the fact that they were still half an hour early.

"Suga wait!" Daichi said.

"I'm going to go fill out the paperwork to resign from the club," Suga explained, assuming Daichi was just confused. "But you should hurry and finish your run, Daichi. Sorry to interrupt it!" And with that he left.

To say the least, Daichi was stunned. He couldn't seem to process Suga's words. He skipped his run and went to the school to wait for Suga, but his friend didn't make it to class until 3rd period.

"The paperwork took longer than expected," Suga explained when he saw the question in Daichi's eyes.

During lunch, Suga went to talk to the teacher about what he'd missed, and Daichi sat alone. He had to figure out how to break the news to the team.

The rest of the day passed way too quickly. Daichi didn't have time to organize his thoughts before practice started. Reluctantly, he walked into the gym.

When he saw Suga, he wondered for a moment if he'd imagined the entire conversation. Then he noticed that he wasn't wearing his uniform, and his heart dropped.

"Suga? What are you…?"

"Oh, I figured I'd let the team know myself what's going on - it may make it easier for them to accept it."

And then the team flooded in and Suga told them he was leaving and everyone was crying and he could just tell that Suga interpreted that as pity, instead of a representation of how much they cared for him. Daichi left the gym, and he didn't return to it until the next day. It was the first time he had ever skipped practice.

When he returned to practice the next day, Coach Ukai pulled him aside.

"Hey, are you alright?" He asked. Daichi could tell he was worried about him, and he appreciated the sentiment, but he also knew that the coach was worried about him because of his influence over the team. Daichi smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

"Yeah, Coach. Sorry about yesterday. How's the team?"

"That's alright. The team is… Well, you'll see. But brace yourself."

Daichi tried to follow the coach's advice, but he couldn't have prepared himself if he'd had days to ready himself. The team was, to say the least, a complete mess. Daichi had to take a step back to assess the situation.

Kageyama had insulted Hinata. That was normal. However, the insult had been more cutting than normal, something about how Hinata would never be the Little Giant, and Hinata was too hurt and sad to fire anything back, as he normally did. Instead, he just whined, "I miss Suga-san!" At this Kageyama face flashed with some sort of emotion - maybe sadness - which was almost immediately replaced by fury directed at Hinata, whom he proceeded to insult further.

Tsukishima approached them with a haughty look and told them to stop being babies. "Hinata, Suga cannot even compare to Kageyama - you should be grateful."

Yamaguchi, who had been following him, started to say something about how Tsukishima had been upset yesterday, too, and Tsukishima told him to shut up. Kageyama and Hinata weren't even listening.

Kinoshita and Narita were sitting on the bench with Ennoshita's arms wrapped around their shoulders, but even he couldn't hide the fact that he was near-tears.

Daichi hoped the other third year starter on the team might be able to help, but couldn't find Asahi anywhere. That is, until the doors flew open and Nishinoya entered, dragging the crying and reluctant large body that belonged to the team's ace behind him.

"But Noya, Suga's gone! And Daichi might also leave!" He wailed. Daichi noted with some surprise that Nishinoya was also trying to hold back tears.

"I know!" He sniffled, "but you're the oldest other than them, and then Ryuu and I, and so we n-need to su-support th-the team!" And with that, Nishinoya broke down, too.

And where was Ryuu? As soon as the thought crossed Daichi's mind, the boy appeared in front of him as if by magic.

"Daichi!" He shouted, tears in his eyes. "You've come back to us! Guys, Daichi's back!"

The rest of the team, shocked by the volume of Ryuu's voice, snapped their heads towards Daichi. The gym suddenly fell silent, and nobody said a word. Daichi was scared.

"Uh," he started, rubbing the back of his neck. "So, as you guys know, Suga… um…" Daichi trailed off, losing his train of thought.

"Daichi-san?" Hinata asked in a small voice, after he'd been silent for longer than normal. The rest of the team was fidgeting. But Daichi couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. Ennoshita stood up.

"Suga may have quit, but we're still a team," he said, boldly. Everyone looked at him in awe of his confidence. Then he turned to Daichi for reassurance. "Right, captain?"

Daichi finally looked up and forced a smile. "Yeah. We'll have to work extra hard to make up for what we've lost, so let's get started."

And with that, practice went on as normal. Or at least, more normal than it could have been. Still, Daichi didn't miss the fact that the animosity between Kageyama and Hinata was growing more quickly without Suga around to mediate. He tried to step in, but that only seemed to irritate them further.

Also, Tsukishima seemed even less interested than normal. No matter what he did, or how much he yelled, Daichi couldn't seem to get him to try hard.

Ryuu and Nishinoya, on the other hand, were throwing everything they had into their playing, but were making stupid mistakes, and Daichi worried that they might get hurt playing so restlessly. Asahi, for his part, had valiantly tried to keep up, but was now sitting out on account of his stomach hurting.

Ultimately, it was all too much for Daichi. He kept it together until practice was over and everyone had left, but afterwards he was left only with his thoughts, and that was too much. He sat in the locker room alone, feeling like his heart would burst.

Actually, his chest really did feel like it was breaking open. Daichi vaguely wondered if he was having a heart attack. Between his racing heart and the pain in his chest, plus the fact that he felt sweaty and couldn't seem to get enough air in his lungs to really breathe, it seemed fully plausible. He started shaking and a wave of dizziness washed over him followed by intense nausea. He ran to the bathroom and barely made it in time to heave into the toilet. He coughed and shuddered until his stomach was completely empty, and then he sank to the floor, exhausted.

He didn't even notice that his libero had entered the room until he spoke.

"Daichi? Is that you?"

Daichi was so surprised he almost choked on his own breath. He didn't say anything for a bit, hoping Noya would just leave if he stayed quiet.

"Daichi, are you alright?" His voice sounded similar to Hinata's earlier: small and worried. "I'm gonna go get Suga, okay?"

"No!" Daichi stood up, and hurriedly cleaned himself up before stumbling out of the stall. Nishinoya grabbed Daichi and helped steady him.

"Hey," Nishinoya whispered in the quietest voice Daichi had ever heard him use. Daichi grinned sheepishly.

"Hey, Noya." His voice was raspy.

"Daichi, are you…?"

"I'm alright. Don't tell Suga - he's been stressed out lately, and I don't want to worry him over nothing. I just had an upset stomach today, probably ate something bad," he explained as Nishinoya gently guided him to a bench and sat him down. The smaller boy eyed it suspiciously.

"You're shaking a lot," he stated. Daichi shrugged.

"I may have overworked myself today. I'm sure I'll be better by tomorrow."

Nishinoya stared at him for longer than was comfortable.

"Um, Noya?"

"Fine," Nishinoya said. "But if this happens again…" He left the sentence unfinished, but Daichi assumed he would resort to telling Suga. He would have to be careful. But he didn't think it would happen again.

That is, until he started feeling the same pain in his chest at practice the next day. Unfortunately, this time it didn't wait until practice was over, and he had to run to the bathroom in the middle. On the bright side, he hadn't eaten much for lunch, so it didn't take long for him to finish emptying his stomach, and though he still felt shaky and short on breath, he was able to avoid Nishinoya by returning to practice quickly.

The next day, Daichi didn't eat lunch. He ate a light breakfast, but refused to eat less than five hours before practice. He figured he could avoid getting sick that way.

It worked like a charm. He could easily blame the pain in his chest, the shortness of breath, the irregular speed of his heartbeat, and sweating on the exercise. The shaking was harder to hide, but as long as he kept moving, nobody could really notice, and it would fade by the end of practice. The nausea was the most difficult to deal with, especially because it sometimes made his stomach hurt so badly that he wanted to puke, but as long as he didn't, Nishinoya couldn't prove anything.

When he got home, he ate a large dinner to make up for missing lunch. However, he soon realized that his stomach had not fully settled. As he threw up in his own bathroom, he thought that at least this was better than doing so at school. At least he was alone at home.

Suga had noticed, of course, that Daichi had stopped eating lunch in the classroom, since they usually ate together, but he had initially assumed Daichi just needed some space. However, when he noticed that Daichi was looking thin and so worn down, he couldn't help but worry about his friend. He approached him before he went to practice one day, right after school.

"Daichi! Hang on a minute," Suga said, grabbing the other boy's shirtsleeve. Daichi turned around, surprise just barely visible underneath his exhaustion.

"Suga?" Daichi asked in a tone of pure curiosity. Suga's brow furrowed; he was sure Daichi was mad at him - it was the only explanation he could think of as to why he was avoiding him - but he didn't seem angry at all. Suga's concern grew.

"Are you… eating alright?" He asked. Daichi took a step back.

"What- Why- Why do you ask?"

"Because you look like you've lost weight," Suga explained quietly. "And you look exhausted, too. Are you getting enough sleep? I'm worried about you."

Suddenly Daichi's expression changed to something guarded. Guarded in a way Suga had never seen before. Daichi was always guarded. He always wanted to look strong and sturdy. But not with Suga. He had never been guarded with Suga.

"Sorry, Suga," he said. "You don't have to worry about me. I have to get to practice- I'll talk to you later!"

He left Suga wondering to himself if his decision to leave the team had somehow destroyed their friendship. He wondered if there was any way he could repair it. He decided that he would never know until he tried, so he decided to wait for Daichi to be done with practice.

That day, something on the team finally exploded. By the time Daichi got to the gym, he could sense that something was really, really wrong. He just didn't know what it was until Kageyama and Hinata - Hinata, of all people! - stormed out of the gym from two different doors. As the doors slammed shut, then gym fell silent. Then Tsukishima stood up.

"Well, if they get to leave, I'm skipping, too." He grabbed his things and left, and Yamaguchi followed after him trying to convince him to stay in vain. He threw an apologetic glance over his shoulder to Daichi as they left. Of the non-starter second years, only Ennoshita was present. Other than that, only Daichi, Nishinoya, Asahi, Ryuu, and Coach Ukai were left.

"Well," Ukai said. "I guess we'll take today off. You've all been working really hard lately, so it may be good to take some time away."

And with that, he left. The rest of them started packing up their things. Daichi stayed where he was as Ennoshita and Tanaka left. He couldn't breathe. As soon as Nishinoya saw him, he knew what was going on.

"Ashahi!" He shouted, fear making his voice unnecessarily loud.

"Noya, I'm right behind you," Asahi said quietly. Nishinoya dropped his bag and whirled around to face the larger boy.

"It's happening. I told you, I knew it. Oh, man, we should have done something sooner!"

"Noya, what's happening?" Asahi's voice was now lined with anxiety. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yes Asahi, I'm fine, but Daichi…"

Clarity sparked in Asahi's eyes as he recalled the conversation they'd had about a week ago.

"A panic attack?" He asked Nishinoya, who nodded.

"Can you help him?" Nishinoya asked. Asahi shrugged.

"I'll do my best."

Asahi and Nishinoya approached Daichi slowly. Nishinoya stopped about 15 feet away from him, not knowing what to do, but wanting to be there for Asahi, because he knew this was stressful for him, too. He squeezed Asahi's hand before stopping. "You can do this," he said. Asahi smiled and nodded, though Nishinoya could feel the sweat on his skin and the trembling of his body. He squeezed his hand again and let go.

"Daichi," Asahi said quietly as he approached. Daichi didn't respond. "Daichi, listen to me. It may feel like you can't breathe, but you can, I promise."

Daichi closed his eyes tight and shook his head. "Can't," he choked out.

"Yes, you can. You're having a panic attack, but it won't last. There's nothing physically wrong with you, even though your chest probably hurts, and your heart is probably racing. But I need you to sit down, okay?"

Daichi's eyes were so panicked; Asahi couldn't tell if he was listening until he slowly sank to the ground.

"Okay, good job, Daichi. That's it." Asahi breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't want Daichi to pass out, but if he did, at least he wouldn't get injured from falling now. Still, he really didn't want him to pass out.

"Daichi, what's wrong? Has something been causing you unnecessary anxiety recently?"

Daichi didn't respond, and Asahi took his hand gently in his own. Daichi finally looked up, and nodded. Tears rolled down his face. Asahi sighed sadly.

"I'm sorry, Daichi. Is it the team?" Daichi nodded, then shook his head. Asahi tried again. "The team and Suga, then?"

This time Daichi froze, and then just nodded. "Okay," Asahi said softly. "Thank you for telling me. That's alright. We'll figure out what to do about the team later, but do you want us to find Suga?"

Daichi shook his head miserably. "W-what is h-happening to me, A-Asahi? C-can't breathe. Don't want S-Suga t-to w-worry."

"You're having what's called a panic attack. I get them all the time," Asahi explained. Daichi remembered the days when Asahi has had to sit out of practice due to stomachaches or lightheadedness. "It's awful. But it will get better soon, you just need to tough it out and keep breathing, okay?"

"H-how?" Daichi asked.

"Try to breathe in and out with me okay? In," he waited two seconds. "Out." Two seconds. "In." Four seconds this time. "Out." Four seconds. Daichi was struggling to keep up, so he did four seconds again. Then he moved on to six. Eventually, Daichi's breathing evened out, and he relaxed minutely. About seven minutes had passed, but it felt like hours.

"Perfect. Nice job, Daichi, I'm proud of you. How do you feel?" Asahi could tell it wasn't entirely over yet, since Daichi was still trembling.

"My stomach hurts," he moaned, cupping a hand to his mouth. "Feel sick."

Now Nishinoya approached, offering a bucket he had received from the locker room just in case. Daichi accepted it greatly, and promptly leaned over and heaved as Asahi rubbed his back while muttering gentle reassurances. Nothing but stomach bile and water came up, since Daichi hadn't eaten in hours, but he couldn't help retching for a few minutes.

It was about that time that Suga entered the gym from the side, finally unable to contain his concern after having seen the rest of the team leave long ago. However, before he got the chance to approach his best friend, Nishinoya pulled him back into the hallway.

"Noya? What's wrong with Daichi? Let me go see him! Is he sick? Is he alright? Can I help him? Please, Noya let me–"

Nishinoya had never seen Suga so panicked, and worried vaguely that he might also have an anxiety attack. What a mess that would be, Suga panicking about Daichi panicking about Suga. Nishinoya placed his hands on Suga's shoulders.

"Calm down. Daichi's okay. Asahi's taking care of him. He knows how to deal with this kind of thing, alright?"

Suga looked dumbfounded, but he came to the correct conclusion almost immediately. "Daichi's having a panic attack?"

Nishinoya nodded, impressed as always with Suga's perceptiveness. "It's been happening every day for about a week."

"Is it because of me?" Suga continued, already knowing the answer by the timeline and the conflicted look on Nishinoya's face. "Noya, what do I do?"

"Look Suga, it isn't your fault, not really. The fact that he's prone to panic attacks… He would have experienced them at some point, regardless of whether or not you quit the team. It just shows how much he cares-"

"Shit, it's because I quit volleyball." Suga had stopped listening as soon as Nishinoya mentioned his resignation from the team. Nishinoya had never heard Suga swear before, but he understood that feeling of guild from firsthand experience. He could see tears pricking the corners of Suga's eyes, and he knew immediately that they were a representation of Suga's impotent anger at himself, and nothing else.

"First of all, you don't panic," Nishinoya instructed, answering Suga's previous question. The taller boy looked surprised, almost as if he'd forgotten that Nishinoya was there. "Secondly, you wait until he's calmed down, and then you talk to him, and find out what's really causing him anxiety, and how you can help. And you can always ask Asahi and I for advice on that. And thirdly, you just stay with him, and make sure he knows you aren't going anywhere. Okay?"

Suga blinked, then nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, Noya, for being such a mess. I really don't know how to deal with this kind of thing."

Nishinoya grinned. "Trust me, it takes a while to learn, but you'll figure it out. I did, and you're much smarter than I am!"

Suga smiled shakily. "Thanks Noya, but you're plenty smart, okay?"

Nishinoya ducked his head. "Sure, whatever."

"Noya, could you do one more thing for me?" He waited for Nishinoya to nod his head before continuing. "Could you possibly check on Daichi, and just tell me how he's doing right now? He looked like he was in a lot of pain before, is all, and I can't help but worry…"

"Sure thing!" Nishinoya disappeared inside the gym and was gone for longer than Suga had expected. He wondered if the younger boy had forgotten about him, though Nishinoya wasn't one to break promises, so Suga waited. And when Nishinoya returned, he knew immediately why it had taken so long.

Daichi was with him.

"Daichi!" Suga couldn't stop himself from running over and wrapping his best friend in a hug when he saw how fragile he looked. "Are you okay?" He whispered into Daichi's ear as he felt how thin his body had become, and how much it was shaking.

"No, not really. Sorry, Suga, I know you don't believe that the team needs you, but I do. Please come back." Then Daichi broke down into tears, and so did Suga.

"Daichi, you don't have to say sorry. This is my fault. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Daichi." The two of them sank to the ground in a mess of tears, and Nishinoya and Asahi looked at each other and smiled before sneaking away. They would keep an eye on their friends, but they knew now that everything was on its way to getting better.

"Suga." Daichi said when their tears had just about dried up. "Will you please… Will you please return to the team? I know it's selfish to ask, but-"

"No," Suga said and Daichi's heart dropped. "It's not selfish. It was selfish of me to decide that the team didn't need me just because I feel inferior to Kageyama. And I miss the team. I miss playing volleyball. And I very much miss you. So, if you'll let me, I'd love to rejoin the volleyball team."

Daichi's tears made a sudden and short-lived reappearance, but they were happy ones this time. "Suga, the team so needs you. They fell apart without you. You know what? Practice got cancelled today because I can't diffuse the fights like you can… I thought Kageyama might kill Hinata, and Hinata left practice of his own accord. And no matter what I say, I can't motivate Tsukishima to do anything without you around. Even Ryuu lost his spirit when you left."

Now Suga was crying again. "Wow, that sounds like a mess. I'm sorry, Daichi, I guess the two of us together really make a great team. I had no idea that would all fall apart if one of us left."

The next day, Suga returned to the teacher's office to reapply for the volleyball club. He was shocked to find that he didn't have to.

"Ah, so you finally realized it," the teachers said. Some of them groaned, and Suga noticed them exchanging money under the tables. Bets? "We were wondering how long it would take you."

"What?" Suga asked, still confused. "How did you know I–"

"We heard you crying in the bathroom about it after filling out the resignation papers. Which we kept, and will now shred. Gosh, you were in there for hours. And it still took you a week to realize it. Poor thing."

Suga couldn't believe it. "You were spying on me!"

The teachers shrugged. "How else will we stay entertained."

Suga was shocked, but was glad, at least, that he didn't have to fill out any more paperwork. "Well, thank you for keeping the paperwork, anyway!" He said as he left.

"No problem! Make sure that captain keeps his cool, will you?"

Suga was almost to his classroom before he processed the last comment. He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Daichi," he said as he entered the classroom. The other boy looked up, and smiled.

"What's up, Suga? Did you reapply?"

"Well, not exactly, but I'll explain that later. I'm a part of the team again, at least. But did you use the bathroom by the teachers office much in the past week?"

Daichi ducked his head, embarrassed all of a sudden.

"Wait a minute… That isn't where you were at lunch this past week, is it?"

Daichi covered his face with his hands and forced himself to nod. Suga groaned.

"Those teachers are just awful!" He mumbled under his breath. Unbelievable. Then he wrapped Daichi in a hug and forgave them.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope this turned out alright! I wrote it all in one sitting and didn't really edit, so if anything seems amiss I apologize and would really appreciate it if you could let me know so I can fix it! I'd love to hear what you all think of it, hope it isn't too cheesy and more or less makes sense. Thanks for reading!**


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